Eavesdropping on Ignorance

Eavesdropping isn’t exactly my forte.  I don’t know if I’m physically incapable of the act due to the hearing loss incurred by a lifetime of abuse via heavy metal, or if I’m simply so disinterested in the conversation of strangers that I subconsciously stonewall the banality.  Whatever the case may be, I’m horrible at it, which I suppose has moderate social benefits; by most accounts, the act of eavesdropping is looked upon with scorn.

But  an experience I had at work a few weeks ago has managed to fill me with enough derision to warrant a retelling of the experience.  Prior to the incident, I had noticed the perpetrator perusing my department. While I bid him a good day, as per custom, I made a conscious effort to avoid his path.  The guy has been a regular customer, a contractor that does a decent amount of business with us and is fairly jovial in most instances.  Trouble is, he’s extremely talkative -to the degree of annoyance- and he’s strongly opinionated about odd subjects. For example, our last encounter involved a rumor that Cher had been stricken with cancer, and was flying to Europe to receive treatment.  Assuming that I actually cared about Cher, her illness, and whatever politics that may be attached to the situation, he went off on a spirited rant, proclaiming that people who make their money in America should do their duty to spend it in America, and facilitate the system that we have in place.  This rant lasted upwards of 5 minutes - which, when talking about Cher’s impact on the health care system, is an absolute motherfucking eternity.

 I went about my business, with the full intention of avoiding him at all costs.  Not out of pure distaste...I had a lot of work to do.  I don’t come to work to hammer out mundane social issues with people I don’t know, I come to earn a paycheck.  Unfortunately, however, the sound of his voice worked his way towards my ear, and I was unwittingly pulled into its path.  I didn’t actively seek to eavesdrop on his proselytizing, but he was ranting in the back aisle at high volume, having cornered my co-workers between a mass of carpet remnants.  I inserted myself into the scene mid-sentence.

“…all this Allah and Buddha stuff, it just ain’t gonna work.  You start bringing all this different stuff into the country, and you’re going to have problems.  This country was founded as a Christian nation.  What did Obama say last night?  ‘God Bless America.’  Not Allah or Buddha bless America.  I mean, it says it on the back of your currency:  In God We Trust.  I tell ya…if you’re walking around with a dollar bill in your pocket and you don’t believe that God is working in your life, take it out and give it to someone who does!”

I tried giving him the three crumpled dollars that I had jammed into my pocket for purposes of future caffiniation, but typical of those of his ilk, he didn’t have the testicular fortitude to place his words into action.

Maybe this is why I don’t eavesdrop in Southern Minnesota.  The people here are so sheltered from the greater whole -so undereducated and fearful of things outside their comfort zone- that most of what is said at higher volume is better left ignored.  I don’t feel like trotting out references to Mungo Craig and the origin of the separation of church and state while I’m getting a cup of coffee.  I don’t feel like I should have to remind people that the United States Constitution was written nearly 200 years before “In God We Trust” was added to the currency while I’m cutting samples of sheet vinyl.  And I don’t think that I should have to spew quotations from George Washington (“…the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion…”) and Thomas Jefferson (“Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man”) while I am shopping for a shower curtain liner.  This country proudly and expressly awards us freedom of religion, as well as the choice to live as we see fit.  This is what separates us from the Middle Eastern countries and ideologies that many in this community seem to revile.  Apparently, and quite unfortunately, the irony is lost on many.