Grumblings in the Wake of an Afternoon at the Gym
  • It doesn't matter if I'm wearing headphones, tapping my feet, and scowling at the floor...some motherfucker that I don't want to talk to is going to strike up a conversation.
  • Said "conversation" usually starts with the question,"Where did you get your work done, man? Here in town? I'm thinking of getting a tattoo myself..." and then somehow slides into, "Are you a Metallica fan? Is Death Magnetic any good?" Now, I'm not a total misanthrope. But when I'm catching my breath between sets of reverse curls, tweaking balls on two hits of Nano Vapor, and blasting the piss out of We Own The Mountains, the last fucking thing I want to do is offer up a two-minute critque that pits Lars Ulrich's atrocious drumming against the asskicking merits of "All Nightmare Long." Especially to an over-gregarious, over-tanned MMA enthusiast that will likely be blow-drying his scrotum next to my locker in 20 minutes.
  • Speaking of scrotums, the AARP crowd is disgustingly blatant about swinging their leathery gear around in the locker room. It's like a haven for the liver-spotted legions of greater Mankato to gather around and give tips on the best techinque for applying talc.
  • Equally frustrating is their penchant for shaving--totally nude--in the stream room. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't insist on sitting like Carlton Fisk primed to drop a deuce before stoking the fires of bullshit small-talk. While I find the lack of rain during the month of May to be a truly fascinating subject, my desire to engage in sweaty banter with a man and his wildly unkempt nether-region is practically nil.

This message has been brought to you by your local YMCA.

Posted 06-10-2009 3:36 PM by Rev

Comments

dschalek wrote re: Grumblings in the Wake of an Afternoon at the Gym
on 06-10-2009 6:18 PM

I make sure to wear black metal/ blasphemous t-shirts to the gym.

JW wrote re: Grumblings in the Wake of an Afternoon at the Gym
on 06-12-2009 12:33 PM

Another reason I decided to just be fat.  Gyms suck.

sasha wrote re: Grumblings in the Wake of an Afternoon at the Gym
on 06-13-2009 7:57 PM

Another reason I decided to just play Heavy Metal drums. Gyms blow.

Matt wrote re: Grumblings in the Wake of an Afternoon at the Gym
on 10-20-2009 4:48 PM

Gyms, especially the Life Time Fitnesses up here are total GAB FESTS.

There's always a group of dudes with imaginary lat syndrome standing there together bullshitting for 25 minutes and then they do a set of curls before going back to gabbing. Yes, those guys that only go into the gym and do arms; nothing else.